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The truth about Duane Ausherman

By Lonnie Walker

Today has been a tough day for Duane, finally, after all of the campaigning; the will of the people of California has finally been carried out. 

 Today, Duane was removed as the Governor of California, and replaced with an actor named, Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

Duane has related, that it probably was all his fault, he told me that he spent all of his time posting BMW technical advice on the internet, instead of tending to water projects, the energy thing etc…but in the immortal words of Duane..."What’s the fun in that?”  With the one exception of being ousted as the Governor of California, (an office which he held under an assumed name), Duane has had a charmed life. 

Duane was born in Kansas in 1941, and as a teen he was fond of hunting Armadillos, he was quite good at it in fact. 


Duane Hunting Armadillos  


 Duane referred to his Armadillos as …Dillos. 

One day while armadillo hunting with a friend, Duane couldn’t decide which armadillo to shoot….  his friend said….your kind of weird!

Duane said…"Oh I’m just going to pick a dillo", it stuck, and peccadillo has become part of the American lexicon.   

 Later, he moved to Cleveland, where he decided that it was a good idea to cut up a perfectly good BMW, and install a VW motor. 


duane VW.jpg (66558 bytes)


Duane on His VMW  (click to enlarge)  

 Well Honda caught sight of this bike at a rally, and……instant Gold Wing prototype. 

The royalties just rolled in, which allowed Duane the opportunity to open a BMW repair shop in San Francisco . 

For a number of years, Duane was happy to just repair BMWs, (the internet didn’t exist yet). 

 He eventually became a franchised BMW dealer, and sold, as well as repaired BMWs. 

 In 1975, he sold his dealership, which gave him the needed funds to pursue his real ambition, to be a politician. 

 Looking about for a suitable name, he at first tried Duane Grey, but was too often confused with the old dead guy that wrote western novels. 

One day, while visiting friends at the University of California Davis campus, it struck him….Grey Davis …what a wonderful name for a politician…neutral…completely contrived, and with out any trace emotion.  Grey Davis it would be, and he set out to create a new image for himself. 

He soon learned the value of the razor cut. 



Duane as Duane  

Duane as Grey    

 He was on his way.  Successfully holding several small elected offices, Duane/Grey went for the big enchilada.…the governorship of the state of California .   

 Once again Duane was successful, and soon had this hanging above his desk. 



 Life was good….then came the internet….BMW forums…and old bad habits......  actually helping people. 

 Life became a downward spiral, often times Grey would show up for important state meetings as Duane. 


Duane as Duane, Trying to Conduct a Press conference as Grey    

He even did a Rose Garden ceremony as Duane. 



 Duane as Duane, Trying to Conduct a Rose Garden Ceremony as Grey    

It only got worse, soon, Duane/Grey couldn’t go out in public, he was increasingly reviled by the public, and as forced to don a disguise in order to conduct his personal business. 


03halloween.jpg (40879 bytes)

Duane in Disguise (click to enlarge, at your own risk)    

 So today Arnold Schwarzenegger was sworn in as the Governator of Calieefornia. 



Arnold Being Sworn In As the Governator  

 Rumor has it, that a certain Miss Marple looking individual was seen leaving Sacramento in the back of a 64 Chevy low-rider limousine today. 

 I just hope that Duane doesn’t stop posting BMW tech info.   


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This page was last edited: 04/06/2006 - copyright Duane Ausherman
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